Given my blog entry yesterday you may be doubting if you can trust anything I write. Probably not. I think that I may try out a new persona...Thomas Mann's Felix Krull. Read the book (Confessions of Felix Krull, Confidence Man: The Early Years). You will love it!
The "truth" is that my pelvic area and right side have been in high dungeon. Hurting like all get out. I have slapped my pain patch back on and am searching around for some of those happy pills my friend, Edith, so highly recommends. If my liver weren't shot I'd knock back a half gallon of that agave tequila. I actually put the patch on yesterday rather than hitting the hooch and I can already feel relief today.
I could tell that creeping and limping about as I have been in pain has driven Paul, my husband, nearly to distraction. One of the worst elements of illness is the distress it causes everyone around you. Especially Paul. I so hate that he is having to endure this. I hope the children come back fairly soon to take over and give him a bit of relief. I am certain that when I am like this and also not eating well (which I have not been doing lately despite my best efforts) Paul wonders if I will make it to see our annual Fourth of July party here by the lake.
I started Gemzar, my new chemotherapy agent, yesterday. I hope it works more thoroughly than the last two agents. My course thus far seems to have given me more time; nothing more. I am definitely thankful for all I can get!
My CT scan from 3/27 was not the cure I suggested yesterday in my April Fools announcement. Here is the radiologist' impression of the scan: a new mass near my esophagus, the tumors in my lungs are the same size/perhaps a new one though, more growth in the liver and pelvis. Dr. Muldoon talked to me a great deal yesterday about the results but with chemobrain in gear I don't recall much of it other than it was very soothing and reassuring. Nonetheless, when you cut to the chase, if you had scan results like mine would you tend to think you were walking on water?
Well, enough of that! I shall do a major smack-down on my pain and then lightly tiptoe through those tulips and contemplate my reinvention as Felix Krull the Wunderkind! But, for the moment, I am feeling a tad less confident and hopeful than is my wont...
Which way is UP?
Judy (via jeff)
" What a glorious gift is imagination, and what satisfaction it affords! " felix krull
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pn5SpcZWeI
3 comments:
Mizflounce, Wow! I am so bummed you are not feeling well. I have not read you blog in a few months. Loved the updates but I don't like that you did not get way better with the treatments. You youtube link needs to be copied and pasted in a new window to work...fyi. It is great. Who is Pink Flamingo? Now I want to go to Brazil. Randy
Dear Judy, I appreciated your reference to Felix Krull. Thomas Mann, a writer of great brilliance but ponderously aware of himself, I think, created this character during the final months of his life. The book was unfinished. But in this character, a fellow of complete vitality but no substance I feel as if Mann attained a freedom of his own that had escaped him all of his life. Except near the end. Better late than never! I hope you are having moments of similar joy despite your problems. I am always wishing you the best. Claire
Judy...
Sure thinking of you, gal.
We are all praying that this Gemzar is a bullet right to the heart of those bad bugs.
Hang in there!!
Ann and John
Post a Comment