Mother is eating less and less, about a glass of Ensure yesterday and probably less today. She never asks for anything even water. When she is awake and alert I carry on a type of conversation with her. We go freewheeling all over the place without making a bit of sense. I don't think Dad has quite the gift for this type of non-sequitur conversational style. He mostly sits silently with her and pats her a bit before getting too upset and leaving. I will have to encourage him to do what I do....when she is quiet with her eyes closed I often sit and go down memory lane supposing she is listening. When we are failing one of the last things to go is hearing. Mother may be having random periods of lucidity and tracking what I or you or anyone may be saying...even if there is no external evidence. At the very least I know mother finds my voice soothing as well as a soft massage of the neck, upper back and scalp. I think I will help her get a long and luxurious bath and select her most silky gown as fitting accoutrement's to Her Day!
But that will not happen today. Perhaps tomorrow. Mother could barely walk with assistance the few steps to the toilet this morning. I did give her two back, neck and scalp massages along with a total body rubdown with deliciously scented oil. I was finishing off the dance of the emollients, slowly kneading her left forearm when Mother looked at me and said, "you are so funny!" pause then, "I have always felt that for us the thing" longer pause followed by "the thing...the thing....the thing.....the thing...." just trailing off to nothing.
This is all very, very difficult as you probably can imagine. I am fairly good at self-control but this drenching in the bittersweet is enough to drown anyone.
Jeff for Judy
PS Happier times. Mother enjoys a jaunt to her home-away-from-home south of Siena, Italy in 2005.
2 comments:
I love you Judy. You are one of my heros. Have always been.
xo,f
I am a first cousin of Judy, and I found out when her sister, Patsy, died a few months ago that Judy, too, was failing quickly. I have so often wondered about my four Hill cousins--I was the youngest of the six granddaughters of Auntie Faye's parents, J.W. and Jane Elizabeth Berry of Gurdon. I remember the large family Christmas gatherings when I was growning up, and I loved being around my older cousins. After settling here in Conway, AR following my husband's 30-year military career, I wanted to try to find "the girls," but my mother, who was married to Auntie Faye's brother, Jack Berry, didn't know what had happened to them. She knew that Betty Jo had died, and she thought the other three were probably still in Arkansas. I read Patsy's obituary and rushed down to her visitation, hoping to see Jackie and Judy. That's how I found out how ill Judy was. It's very sad for me reading her wonderful blog, and yet, it has given me insight into a beautiful lady whom I wish so much that I could have known in our adult lives. She must have truly been a free spirit, and I would have loved her!
Betty Berry Ellis (bhellis@att.net)
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